There has been a lot of debate amongst women about Cynthia Shackelford’s lawsuit & subsequent $9 million win against her husband’s mistress! I say bravo for you Cynthia because I don’t know what went wrong in the women’s movement that ushered us into accepting a moral less society where there is little to no personal responsibility & anything goes. The same women who will be on the protest line if this was a sexual harassment suit at one’s workplace are saying that the verdict in this suit is just a frivolous lawsuit of a bitter woman or sexist because it forces the mistress to pay when the man is at fault. Let me put it to you this way- Cynthia was sexually harassed by the mistress in the fact that she was made a third party in an unwanted relationship that she did not consent to by two people who conspired against her in violating her work/marriage contract whether she signed it with only 1 of the two co-conspirators or not. Just like any sexual harassment suit or catholic church rape allegation suit, you are entitled to sue & attain compensation not only from the direct person that violates you, but also anyone that covers up for them or knowingly allows the sexual harassment & abuse to continue. These were the laws put in place to protect the sanctity of one’s work environment by hitting companies at their purse strings in order for them to feel the heat to be diligent about stopping unethical work place behavior . Just as there are laws protecting the sanctity of the work place, there are laws protecting the sanctity of home/marriage so we should applaud this woman for utilizing the full extent of the law instead of accepting her victimization.

I wonder if the women who are saying that the ruling is sexist agree with the mistresses who have sued men & have been compensated because they were promised certain things by the men or got pregnant by them etc. Would they tell the mistress that the man was not in a committed relationship with her so she doesn’t deserve child support, as they are telling Cynthia in reference to her suing the mistress since technically these mistresses are suing the wives as well for child support because their husbands’ money is equally their money? Or do we applaud only mistresses that write tell all books & become rich & infamous for their exploits? I don’t know if I could ever forgive Oprah for having Karrine Steffans on her show & helping her book sales skyrocket to a New York Times best seller, while really great authors would die for such publicity. Sometimes I really wonder what side of this whole womenhood/sisterhood unity & empowerment thing some of us women are on because it changes for personal convenience.

Cynthia Shackelford’s husband is at fault, but so is the mistress who met her as his wife & made the choice to covet her husband & took away Cynthia’s choice to decide if she wanted to be in a 3 party relationship or not. I have never been into the whole idea of cheating because I believe in karma & loath the idea of taking someone’s right to choose whether or not they want to be in a non exclusive relationship or not. Some people do not mind that, but I was raised as an only child & there are just some things that I do not believe in sharing for health, financial & sanity reasons. I also do not believe in the countless women who pressure men to put a ring on it as if that would stop their philandering behavior, nor do I believe in the men who put a ring on it in order to continue to have a women’s mouth silently wide open putting rings around his penis with eyes wide shut to his philandering.

It is a shame that some men & women are blaming the women for their men cheating by saying they need sex & can’t go without it for long periods of time, as if they are dogs in heat who can’t be expected to control themselves. I guess that’s why they say a dog is a man’s best friend because they can relate to one another on many levels, but the ability to reason & to have self control is what separates man from the animal kingdom, so how much has man really progressed? A man just like a dog would risk losing his life for satiation when he is in heat.  You only have to turn on the TV or read a magazine, paper or blog to see one high profile man after another risking their entire livelihoods for their uncontrollable need for sexual satiation. I would like to break it to men that their women have the same desires for sex on a regular basis as they do, but we have been trained to have self control in order to be able to multitask & handle the many responsibilities expected of us in life , career, children etc., so they can learn as well. As long as women are throwing it out there particularly when there is wealth & fame involved, there will never be any incentive for men to change their behavior to practice self control, so I am glad that women, whether scorned or seeking revenge have decided to use the laws on the books to change the behavior of women to regain some respect for women from men who see a women’s worth mostly or solely in his personal pleasure & gratification.

I have been told by many of my male friends that cheating for a man is more about opportunity than love or even attraction-so without these women offering the opportunity, these men would have no choice but to self pleasure or go to their wives & girlfriends for it. You can’t have crackheads without crack dealers. No one would be screaming foul if Cynthia sued & won $9 million from her husband’s drug dealer who gave him an overdose causing his death, but in the same vein the mistress gave her husband the overdose causing the death of her marriage -so now she has to pay up & let us all know just how proud she is with her choices & if it was worth $9 million. We have come to a time where women hold their titles as mistresses or sleeping with another woman’s man as some sort of badge of honor in the most brazen & disrespectful way instead of as the scarlet letter of Puritans. So much for evolution & modernization.

It was just as much of a disgrace to woman, if not more, as it was to Tiger Woods to see all his mistresses come out to capitalize on being one of many other than his wife whom he sought & bought sex from -well some of them were just prostitutes/escorts working for their living so they were just continuing their profession of catnip for sale for whomever cares & dares to pay for it . The other mistresses who felt like they were wronged somehow by not being the only mistress & therefore should be compensated to keep their silence was just beyond my comprehension of how we have really evolved as women. I have been seeing it so much lately where women knowingly & readily entertain sexual & emotional relationships with men that are married or are supposed to be committed to another woman. The whole “I took your man & I am proud of it” mentality is really disgusting & brazen to me as a woman. If we have no respect for one another in these types of situations, do we really expect men to have respect for us? I have heard so many of my male friends literally say & live by the oath of “BROS BEFORE HOES”, but some women will kill their own mothers for the affections of a man. Where is our sister hood oath that sets the boundary of respect due?

Why do these mistresses choose a life of delusion where they actually believe that they are someone special, more special than the woman who he chose to give the ring to, have children with and sign a pact that gives her ownership over all that he owns – while you are there for the occasional sexual pleasure, a meal here & there, & some material accouterments to dangle in front of you like a dog begging for the bone or cookie treat that her master gives her for behaving & pleasing him. Maybe if you are really lucky & behaving, you are getting a car note paid or maybe even a house. Even with all that, you are still the other woman & if he can use you to abuse & deceive another woman then it will eventually be done to you, so stop believing that you have some sort of kryptonite catnip that makes you so special or different from the next woman, even if you are Alicia Keys .

Anyone who has dealt with a man knows that they are visual creatures. I remember being taken back by the look on an ex love’s face as I approached him in lingerie- he looked like a pitbull that hadn’t eaten in awhile & was ready to devour the t-bone steak being dangled in front of him as soon as he was allowed off of his leash. Thank goodness that desire was for me & not some random other woman, but I am not naive enough to believe that it couldn’t be easily extended to another depending on opportunity & that feeling is what took me back because the look on his face seemed so detached from love & overtaken by the passion, desire & need for pleasure, which meant it could have been any meat of any quality being dangled & it would have been devoured just the same.

I expect the whole brazen “so what I was with your man” type of nonsense from low self esteem, gold digging women who are not about anything but using their catnip to attract a man for the purposes of a payday & ego, but I am seeing more & more highly intelligent, well to do-you would think they would know better type of women falling into the mistress/other woman trap & being completely unabashed about it. Hence Fantasia also getting sued by the wife of the married man she decided to covet, but unfortunately with her I wasn’t as surprised as I was with Alicia Keys. If a man is waiting for his divorce to be finalized that means he is still married, convincing yourself that it’s just a technicality is just sad stupidity. If a man is still living with his wife/girlfriend that means they are still in a relationship, convincing yourself otherwise is just more sad stupidity. How many generations of women have to sell themselves the bill of goods that he will eventually leave the wife/girlfriend, but it will take awhile because of the kids, finances or whatever ridiculous excuse that would sound the alarm for any sane person to see that someone should be off limits until they sort their issues out, but in the mind of a mistress translates to- you just have to practice some patience even if it goes on for years- when everyone knows you can easily get a divorce in a day if you really want one that badly.

I just don’t understand when it became cool for a woman to pump her chest & boast about being with another woman’s man? Are we that far gone as women in wanting to be equal to men that we want to adopt their most appalling behaviors? It seems being a mistress is the new “soup de jour” because they are popping up everywhere & getting big money along with fame or infamy for it. I mean hell, even 50 Cent put it out there “have a baby by me ..be a millionaire”. I don’t care how great you think you are as a woman or how much you think you have control over a man – if you are having a sexual relationship with a man that is married or supposed to be committed to another, then you can never put yourself in the winner’s circle no matter how much money or what have you that you get out of the ordeal because in a man’s head he is just paying for his desired pleasure -so you are no better than any prostitute & will always be given the raw deal in that sense. Men can completely detach emotional connection from sex, but even the hardest core woman can not be completely detached emotionally from sex. Even if she is in the sex profession, she has had to acquire the skill of emotional detachment thru training just as anyone in any profession has to go thru training to attain the skills necessary for their profession. The double standard isn’t something that we will ever change because we are wired differently as men & women, so a man can never truly be a woman & a woman can never truly be a man even if you have a sex change-you can’t change the natural wiring in emotion attached to erection or the ability to give birth.

This is woman’s history month & in the past couple of months I have seen the most appalling behaviors by women, disgracing everything that those before them fought so hard for so that the next generations of women would not have to carry the mistress badge or feel that their only sense of power is through the pleasure that they can give a man for romance or finance. I have never understood women who knowingly choose to be the other woman, but maybe it is because I am very much pro woman & I do not believe in being any man’s enabler to disrespect, disgrace & deceive another woman because if he can use me to do it to one woman then he can easily do it to me, & frankly I love myself too much to fall for the okie doke.

Cynthia Shackelford deserves every dime she gets from the mistress because we need to come to a point in society where we do not completely lose our moral fabric & lose ourselves as women who physically give birth to the boys & girls; therefore we should be setting the standards. I am seeing way too many young women who actually think it’s preferable to be the mistress or the other woman because we have lost our sense of love & respect for family, commitment, marriage and one another as women & generally as humans. I hope every mistress/other woman goes on notice. Yes, the man is the one who made the commitment to marriage & yes it takes two to tango, but one of the two is you, so you are equally responsible if not more based on the sole fact that you are a woman finding some sort of pleasure in destroying another woman in order to please a man, who will eventually find another woman to return the favor right back to you because many studies have proven that men are visual creatures who cheat based on opportunity more than love or any real emotionally connected attraction to another. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, ugly, fat,skinny, smart or dumb you are because it’s happened to the finest of the fine, the richest of the rich the poorest of the poor & the ugliest of the ugly, but we all know those women that will think & say that they are special & it will never happen to them as they enable it to happen to another woman. I guess if their pockets get a lot lighter for it, then maybe they would think twice & exercise some real judgement before they convince themselves that they just can’t help who they fall in love with. Let’s see how much that love is really worth when you have to pay $9 million for it.

If Alicia Keys was hit with a $9 million lawsuit to stay away from Swizz Beatz until his divorce was finalized, I wonder if she would have found that self control to wait for the love to come to her in its pure unattached form or paid the $9 million to just do her? This is in no way a referendum on Ms. Keys because no one but those involved know the full story, but she is one of those women who young girls look up to, one of those women who I thought would know better, one of those women who speaks of & holds the mantle of sisterhood & womanhood so high on a global level. I guess I just expected her to live up to what she sells to all those moms like Mashonda . The moms who are the first to buy her cd for their daughters & pump their fist together to “superwoman” as they praise Ms. Keys & thank her for giving them beautiful mother/daughter moments of finding commonality in music that they can enjoy together while battling a world filled with the Brittany Spears, Niki Menaje & Paris Hiltons, as they turn to Ms. Keys as the preferred opposite option of choice. I still love her music & think her & Swizz Beatz make an amazing musical power couple, but I’m giving her a #fail on the whole “superwoman” role model for young girls stint, taking back her sisterhood/womanhood above all else card until she redeems herself somehow to regain membership & praying for her that she does not reap what she sowed on another by paying the ultimate price.